Meal Plan Monday No. 3

M - Teriyaki Chicken & Cauliflower Skillet with brown rice (obviously I am posting late, so we already ate this - it was awesome!! Even my picky eater gobbled it up! Yay!). The boys both said the green onions & sesame seeds made their bowls look nice and added flavor, so don't leave that stuff out! Still not sure how I got kids who love raw onions of any kind.
T - One Pan Steak & Veggies
W - Leftovers
Th - Oat Crusted Chicken with Lemon Yogurt Sauce (didn't wind up trying this last week so its back on the menu for this week) & green salad &/or steamed broccoli
F - Chicken, Bacon, & Asparagus Skillet probably with brown rice again, or quinoa

I'm starting this plan today. I've been looking at it a while and its intriguing because it has you take a test to find out your fitness personality. My results were incredibly accurate and its interesting to read about why programs & "diets" can be so hard to follow depending on your personality type. Its 9 weeks long so I'm looking forward to doing my best to follow the plan. Its easy for me to keep my eating on track if I'm following a plan. I simply can't just be one of those healthy eater type people, I need the commitment of a PLAN.

I didn't get to the gym today so after the kids are asleep I'll go get my workout in. #hardcore.

Meal Plan Monday No. 2 (and some ramblings)

I have been doing a LOT of thinking lately about my health & fitness journey. My attitude has been terrible. I am not good at balance and if I'm not all in, counting macros, working out every single day, and making myself & my family crazy, then I just don't do anything. Its one extreme to the other. Tater tot casserole! Rum & Diet Coke! Garlic bread, mmmm, soooo much garlic bread. Lean Cuisine Thai chicken spring rolls dipped in sweet chili sauce!

Unfortunately I really do feel so much better when I'm eating right and working out. Ugh! Why is that? My husband doesn't feel the need to do those things. Why should I?

Because if I don't I'll gain a bunch of weight and feel like crap! 

So I'm trying to decide on a workout plan that I can maintain. That's the easy part. I shared how much I love going to the gym and my whole routine around it in my last post.

The hard part (for me, anyway) is planning healthy dinners when you have a family. If it was just me fending for myself I could easily eat chicken, brown rice, and broccoli for dinner every night in true Fit Girl style. I don't need excitement or variety in my diet. But I have been blessed with an awesome family so I must cook for them and they DO like excitement & variety! My younger son will eat (or at least try) most anything. He wants to look like John Cena and I told him that requires lots of protein and veggies. He wants to be strong and cares about which foods are healthy and which aren't. #parentingwin

My older son, however, is getting pickier by the day. He's on a potato kick right now. Like, literally, he will make himself a baked potato for a snack. He cuts a slice down the middle and fills it with all the horrible toppings (at least he loves green onions) (but we've been going through way too many of the bagged bacon bits) and then smooshes it back together; picks it up and eats it like a burrito. No knife, no fork. Its pretty funny and I gotta give him credit that he eats the skin too. I guess as far as snacks go, it could be worse.

And honestly, I don't want to be so obsessed with healthy eating that I mess up my kids. I've seen kids of 'healthy' parents go totally berserk on camping trips and at parties because they are never allowed to eat 'bad' food. Balance ..... its all about balance.

My point with that tangent was, its a challenge to sit down every Monday and come up with four nights of dinners that my guys will actually eat. This is when I remind myself that, OK, maybe it would be easier & cheaper to be a family of fatties (again I say, tater tot casserole!!) but I don't want that for my kids. Even if some days I truly don't care about myself, I really do want to model proper health for my boys.

So here's what we will be eating this week. Every night I spread out a build-your-own-salad bar since my older pickier son will sometimes just eat three bowls of salad if he doesn't like the dinner. Whatever dude. Enjoy your salad.

Meals for 1/16 thru 1/20

M - Stuffed Cabbage Soup, heavy on the cabbage - we have two heads of cabbage in the fridge that must be eaten ASAP.
T - Tacos - we pretty much always do Taco Tuesdays around here now; I wrote about how we do taco nights before.
W - Leftovers - I have simplified my life by making Wednesday always be Leftover Night - it cleans out the fridge and also ensures that we are on time for our church meeting that night.
Th - Oat Crusted Chicken with Lemon Yogurt Sauce - I'm excited to try this; the ingredients are things I always have on hand so if we like it this will be a great quick dinner option.
F - Zuppa Toscana soup - we are having a bunch of friends over so I figured I'd make this for the adults and pop in a tray of nuggets for my picky son and any of the other kids who won't like spicy soup. #balance #funfridays

I'm also going to make a batch of these; they're the perfect midday snack. I change up the recommended seasonings to 1 tsp each of salt, pepper, cumin, and chili powder, mainly because I hate mustard and most spicy spices. #boringwhitegirl

Now I'm off to choose a new workout plan and then hit the gym. I am finally going to start physical therapy for my bad knee this week so hopefully that won't change anything with what I'm able to do, workout-wise. I guess I'll find out.

Back In The Saddle Again!

I constantly laugh at myself. I always have such high hopes and grandiose schemes and usually they never pan out. LOL. I wonder if I'll ever maintain a constant healthy routine or if I will always be this all-or-nothing? Oh well.

So I pretty much ate like crap all summer long. But you know what? Its OK. My clothes still fit, and I actually weigh a little less than when last I posted; I even wore a bikini a couple times over the summer! Its all good. Now to lean out, put some muscle back on, and eat clean! I'm excited!

The boys are back to school and with that comes a new routine with more "me" time. I'm sooo looking forward to getting back to the gym, you guys! I took a walk around the neighborhood today and decided I am not one of those outdoorsy walking/running people. I seriously just love going to the gym. Its my thing. I write down my workout plan in my little notebook. I fill up my water bottle; take my pre-workout supplement and my BCAAs. I drive the 3 minutes to the gym and walk in and always feel like a celebrity when the employees greet me.

Hello! Yes, hi, hello. You are my people and this is my place.

I go to the bathroom and get my music going (I listen to the same thing every single time) and make sure my clothes are still as decent as they were at home. I have a paranoia about the crotch of workout pants blowing out for some reason.

Usually around now my pre-workout kicks in and I have to refrain from doing kung fu moves on my way out of the bathroom.

Do you see? Going for a walk outside just doesn't do it for me. And thankfully my gym is small so there aren't a bunch of meatheads or idiots in there (usually, anyway .. if there happen to be a bunch of preening males hogging the weight room I make a note of the date and time in my notebook so I know not to go back around then).

Its my happy place. And I can't wait to get reacquainted! Which I will be doing at 5:30am tomorrow so I'd better get to bed.

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Meal Plan Monday No. 1

One thing I have learned over the past few years of struggling with my weight is, having a weekly meal plan is crucial for staying on track with eating right. It helps for a ton of reasons, but for me the biggest perk is knowing what's for dinner every night, and having all the ingredients in the house prevents any last minute ordering of pizza or takeout. Plus its nice to shop once and be done for the week.

Admittedly it can be hard to find clean recipes which are also family friendly and I think this is a huge part of why eating right can be such a struggle. Its so much easier to just bake up some nuggets & tots; nobody complains about a dinner like that! My kids actually like healthy food but they definitely don't want tilapia, asparagus, and brown rice every night. So I try to create meals that are versatile. For instance, we eat tacos on a weekly basis and it works because I can have a giant salad while the hubby and kids get to enjoy tortillas, and then there's leftovers to have yummy salads for lunch over the next few days.

It does require being organized; I sit down Monday morning and look at the calendar to figure out if Juston is going to be home at dinnertime or not (I don't grill - yet!), and what the weather is like (to see if we even can BBQ or not), and what evening plans we have (you don't want to plan a complex meal when you only have thirty minutes to cook and eat before rushing out the door). It sounds like a pain but once you do it a few times its not that bad.

I'm feeling pretty unmotivated to be creative this week so here are some of the meals I fall back on when I am feeling less than inspired.

Meals for 4/25 thru 4/29

M - spaghetti & Caesar salad. My clean trick with spaghetti is, I use cottage cheese instead of noodles and mix it up with the meat sauce in a bowl - it sounds gross & weird but I swear it tastes JUST like lasagna! Sometimes I will make a loaf of garlic bread for the guys but this week I'm not going to.
T - tacos. I use ground turkey and a homemade taco seasoning mix similar to this one, then spread out a "build your own taco" bar with refried beans, shredded lettuce, diced tomatoes, tons of avocado (my kids love it), olives, cheese, sour cream, salsa, minced red onion, cilantro, and black beans. I mix the sour cream & salsa to use as dressing on my salad.
W - grilled steak & green salad. We have meeting (church) on this night so dinner has to be quick and possibly able to be eaten in the car ;) and also the leftovers need to be easy to throw in a Tupperware and toss in the fridge before rushing out the door.
Th - literally just as I was typing this a family member texted me saying they and a friend will be in town Thursday and could they come over for dinner? Yes of course! But having company means extra food and it needs to be on the yummier side. I'm thinking we'll try a new chicken marinade recipe and our favorite corn on the cob with chili lime butter. And for a carb side for all the normal eaters I'll just grab some dinner rolls. Easy peasy.
F - leftovers. I always schedule a free/leftover night during the week because something always comes up and I hate having a whole dinner's worth of food in the fridge that won't get cooked.
Sa/Su - I never plan meals for the weekends because we are always either entertaining or at someone else's house.

And there you have it. Super simple. The weekly meal plans for the month of May will be weird because Juston and I are going to be doing some fat cutting before we start working out in June but I am going to post them anyway. I hope you like cabbage. :)

The Big One On The End (or, why I quit working out the last time)

A few years ago I was doing really well with working out and eating right. I had even created a fitness blog and Facebook page, and people were actually reading what I wrote! I was enjoying it SO MUCH and while sometimes it was really hard, it felt so good to finally be taking care of myself the way I deserved. I was at my lowest weight in about 8 years, I had tons of energy, and life was good.

So why did I quit?

Two words: This Photo.

Just a regular photo of me with two of my sweet friends at a party, right?

NO.

I was sporting a new dress that I'd coveted for weeks. I'd go to the shop every week and try this dress on. I refused to buy it and bring it home with the hopes that I'd shrink into it. It was important to me to actually GO into the store and try it on every week, hoping this would be the time it fit. When it finally did fit I was SO HAPPY. This party was the second time I'd worn it. My hair was halfway cooperative for once, my shoes were tall & sexy, I had the perfect fake tan going on, and best of all my hubby was proud of me. I'd been working out and eating right for so long and it felt great to have actual confidence for the first time in years.

Then someone posted that photo on Facebook.

As usual, as I have been in countless photos for years, I was The Big One On The End.

You guys, I just sat there and stared at that photo. Utterly dejected. How can I still be The Big One when I fit into this dress?! Why am I still The Big One when I've been busting my butt and eating right and working SO HARD?! OMG I am super fat, squeezed into that dumb dress; what was I thinking?!

So then,  I just totally gave up.

Three years later, this photo is still on Facebook, and my comment is still visible: "I think I'll just cut my arms off instead of trying to reduce their size. I give up. But you guys look adorable!!"

That one photo threw me into a spiral of self-loathing. I had worked so hard and it still wasn't good enough. I was still The Big One. I'll always be The Big One. Why bother working out every day? Why bother eating boring, healthy food? Why work so hard if you're still going to be the The Big One?! If I have to be fatter than everyone else no matter what I do, I could just be living off chips and McDonalds and enjoying myself!

Nevermind that this is what my upper body looked like at the time:

Nevermind that most girls seem to have to try really hard to build muscle but I always just HAVE it, hiding underneath layers of fat.

Nevermind that I was lifting at my personal all-time best and was finally doing crazy cardio without feeling like I was going to die.

Nevermind that, yeah, OK, I just happened to be on the end, and that I was closest to the camera and turned at a bad angle and happened to be with two slim ladies, so there were four strikes against me.

I let that one stupid photo destroy everything I had worked so hard for.

Maybe I wanted a way out? Maybe I was focusing on the areas of my body not shown in the above photo and was secretly bummed that all of me wasn't yet ready for an 'after photo,' so I just wanted to throw in the towel? Maybe I was being too strict with my diet and really missing Cheetos and rum and just couldn't take it anymore?

All I remember is staring at that photo and thinking, dude ....... I have been working soooo hard, obsessing, packing my food every day because I have to eat every few hours, declining social invitations because I'm embarrassed to bring my own food, making my family miserable because they have to eat boring dinners every night ........ for nothing. I'm still fat. I'm still bigger than everyone else. The hair and the dress and shoes and tan don't matter, you are still the Fat Friend and you always will be.

Looking back, I'm super bummed I let myself feel that way. I'm really disappointed that I gave up. Because shortly after that, I experienced two major setbacks that would completely destroy any smidge of motivation I had left.

1. My knee blew out. And almost immediately afterward,
2. My dad died.

Taking good care of myself could have helped me through those trials. But instead, I'd given up. And now I actually had some good excuses to be lazy and eat junk food and drink every night. So that's what I did. Over the next few years I slowly reached my all time highest weight, nearly 200 pounds. In a fit of self pity one night I deleted my blog (which I greatly regret) and got off Facebook. I didn't want any reminders of all the effort I threw away.

Then recently I lost 20 pounds and was feeling motivated to eat clean again. I got used to not overeating and drinking every night and was feeling really good until, yet again, after a family vacation, I saw a photo of myself and thought WHAT?! All that work and deprivation and THIS is what I look like?!

I cropped out my family so their adorableness wouldn't distract you from what we are supposed to be focusing on here.

Thankfully I have learned my lesson and am not going to go to that bad place again. So, yeah, this photo bums me out, but I also don't even care. If I'm being completely honest, I would like to lose about 30 more pounds, but you know what? I would rather just clean up my diet, get back to the gym and hit those weights, and watch what happens. I've done it before and I can do it again. I'll always weigh more than I look like I do. What now matters to me is being my healthiest self. Who cares if I'm the Biggest One in the photo? Sometimes the biggest girl is the strongest, happiest, and healthiest.

I have learned a few things over the past few years.

• I probably will always be the Big One. But that's OK. I simply don't have a skinny build. If being the Big One means that I can rock it in the gym and lift heavy things, I'm good with that. I have no desire to be a cardio bunny and starve myself into a body that isn't even possible for me.
• I 100% embrace the build I was given. It comes from my sweet dad, whom I miss so much. I'd give anything to have him back; to look at his giant calves and strong arms one more time; to squeeze his sturdy torso and say "thank you for this powerful body I inherited from you. Because of you I can move furniture without help, and be a good helper to my husband when he needs a second person to load or carry things, and I can still pick up my boys with gusto even though they are almost 11 and 8."
• It doesn't matter what size everyone else is. I deserve to be healthy and if "my healthy" is bigger than everyone else's, so be it.
• I know that I can commit to a workout program, get my butt into the gym, lift heavier every week, eat right, and drop weight quickly. I've done it four times now. So who cares if I *look* fat in a photo? From now on if I feel that way I will just strip and flex in the mirror. ;) And if I don't like what I see, that's OK, because I have the power to change it. NO GIVING UP.
• The number on the scale or on the tag in the clothes doesn't matter. What matters is if I feel pretty dang good most days, instead of lethargic and bloated. What matters is if I have energy to actually play with my kids and model healthy behavior & habits so they never have to deal with the stupid crap I struggle with.

I've done it before. And I will do it again. And this time, I am determined that it is going to be a way of life, something I can maintain. Not a phase that will make myself and everyone around me crazy. And certainly not something that a stupid unflattering photo can change.